Hating Pregnancy? It Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person or Bad Mom Part II

Part Two…
Pregnancy Mask. This bitch of a problem is still plaguing me. Before getting pregnant I had cute freckles. During pregnancy those cute freckles grew together to make large dark marks on my face that resembled a world map. They were and are very hard to cover up. The worst part about this mask, it was also on my upper lip giving me the appearance of a mustache. It was horrible and super embarrassing when anyone suggested waxing, (like I was a complete idiot and hadn’t thought of all the possible solutions available to not look like a man.)  After giving birth they naturally lightened up on their own and the mustache disappeared, but I still have to use a heavy concealer to cover up what’s left. It seems the only thing to truly  get rid of them is a $3,500 laser treatment. I wish I had that kind of money. (Maybe if I would have bought cheaper bottles and shitty formula like suggested to me I would have extra money just waiting to be spent… too late now.)
 
 Do’s and Don’ts of Pregnancy. This part was hard.  Everyone thinks they know best and a lot of people like to act like you don’t know whats best for you or your baby. The list of do’s and don’ts for pregnant women is insane. Being an expat makes it even harder. German’s have their way of doing things and American’s have theirs. I was keeping in mind the American no’s and the German no’s (German doctor says I can sauna, American doctor says absolutely not. So much confusion).  Quite a few people, one in particular, couldn’t fathom that I stopped all medication while pregnant. She thought it was pretty important to inform me I was wrong and uneducated, (you should know that this individual DOES NOT know me, she didn’t know where I was from or my medical history. You should also know that she wasn’t a doctor.)  I know in America taking certain medications is technically okay for a fetus, but my German doctor said, “No medicines. No medicine is good for a fetus.” He was very adamant about it. So, like many other women, I took my doctor’s advice. (Just to be clear I never once said taking medicine while pregnant was shameful or makes you a terrible mother, which was why I was so confused by the amount of people who jumped all over me for saying I stopped my medicines while pregnant and that one of the reason I didn’t want to breastfeed was so I could take my medicines again. By the reactions I got you’d have thought I said I was snorting cocaine while pregnant instead of saying I was trying to do what I thought was best for my baby by not taking prescription pills.) My first pregnancy was mostly in a non-american culture, so the judgement I was getting and the people telling me I was uneducated and wrong based on their culture (and what their doctors and internet sites said) was and is fucking insane to me. I learned in 7th grade history that you can’t judge a person based on your culture. You can’t judge a pregnant German woman coming out of a sauna because your culture said that it is a big no-no.
Heart Burn. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was eating antacids by the bottle. I couldn’t eat or drink anything without debilitating acid reflex. I was amazed how I could still be gaining so much weight even though I could hardly eat. Zantac was my new bestie. It helped more than the antacids, but it still didn’t fix my misery. Nothing did except pushing that little thing out.
Being out of Breath and the Sweating. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without running out of breath and sweating, I couldn’t tie my shoes, I couldn’t bend over without a head rush and when I would try to bend over I couldn’t breathe. I was sweating all the time, for this reason I barely went outside all summer. (Our electric bill that summer was ridiculous.)
Saying we are Pregnant. All the shit that I have previously mentioned (and much more) that a woman has to go through while being pregnant is why I hate when men say we are pregnant. I’m pregnant… just me. I don’t say we signed a new contract I say, “Travis signed a new contract.” Just like we aren’t pregnant, I’m pregnant. I’m going through the changes, the pain, the sickness… we aren’t.
The Mom Shaming. I hate this word/idea… “Mom Shaming” (about as much as I hate when adults use the word Bullying to describe someone telling them the truth about themselves.) Let’s just be upfront about what “Mom Shaming” really is… It’s people being nosey, judgy assholes and getting involved where they shouldn’t be.  People love getting involved in pregnant women or new moms business. If someone tries to “Mom Shame” me I will be upfront with them and let them know that they are sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong and that they need to back off. I won’t go cry about how someone tried to hurt my feelings and that they were “Mom Shaming” me, I’ll say what they really are, which is a dick. Another problem with the invention of this word (and everyone being so freaking sensitive these days) is that I can not state that I don’t like breastfeeding without being a “Mom Shamer”. No one can state anything without being a “Mom Shamer”. If someone says that they think everyone should breastfeed then all of a sudden they are “Mom Shaming” formula feeding moms. This word makes it impossible for someone to have an opinion without getting ragged on and made out to be an asshole. Almost every negative comment I’ve gotten on any of my post have had the word “Mom Shaming” in them because these days no one can have an opinoin or personal preference without being a “Mom Shamer”. It is ridiculous. No matter what, there will always be someone who isn’t going to agree with what you do while pregnant (or after you have your baby) and they will tell you how you are wrong. I guess it just comes with the territory.
You have the ability to be good mom even if you hated being pregnant.  With all the shit that comes along with being pregnant having Bradley and seeing everyday how amazing she is makes me strongly consider doing it again. It was more than worth it.
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Kasey Turnbull

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