I couldn’t sleep last night as my mind was racing about everything… like usual…whether it was about stupid comments I made that day, people I hate and why I hate them or if I should get up and watch a movie with my baby at two a.m. because she can’t sleep from the time change or if I should just let her cry it out.
A little back ground about myself. I’m Kasey Turnbull. My husband is a professional hockey player in Europe (Yes, there are leagues over here and Yes, he does get paid.) So more than half the year we live abroad. It’s never been easy moving all the time, but since I had my daughter (Yes I… I pushed her out… I had her) it has been more difficult. I had my daughter, Bradley, a year ago. She wasn’t exactly planned, but after a couple of days of realizing I was actually pregnant and bringing a life into the world the idea grew on me. My husband was absolutely thrilled from the moment I told him (He wants as many babies as he can get, but only if he can get them from me, so don’t get any ideas). Not being thrilled about being pregnant was the first time of many times that I felt like a bitch for not being as excited as my partner was or our families were about this bundle of joy I was cooking.
Those feelings continue weekly at this point. Sometimes I’m exhausted and frustrated and overwhelmed and thinking, ‘Why did I ever do this?’ and ‘I’m not meant to be a mom.’ Those feelings always go away… eventually… usually once I see her smiling, laughing face or she reaches for me and wants to give me a hug. I’m here to let other moms out there that might be getting overwhelmed with their kids and feeling like a bitch for longing for the pre-baby days where you could Netflix and chill all day long and only leave the couch for wine and to pee. You are not alone. I have felt alone in those feelings so many times, I get nervous to voice my true feelings to other women because of what they will think about me, but then I always think to myself, ‘When have I ever given a fuck about what someone thinks of me? So why should I be scared to say what I feel now?’ And the answer to that question is ‘Very Rarely Do I Give A Fuck’.
So basically I just created a blog to vent about Mom things or talk about the different joys kids bring. I know I will get a lot of shit for some of my opinions and feelings, but they are my opinions and feelings so I could care less. It’s like Taylor says, “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate”
**In case I need to state this fact: I love my daughter more than anything, she really has brought an entire new wonderful side to life. She is definitely the coolest thing I have ever made and I have made a lot of cool things.