Actual Life at 30 vs. How I Imagined My Life Would Be at 30

When I was 20 I had this whole idea on how my life would play out. Marriage, babies, real job at a news station… stuff like that. I was under the impression by 25 or 26 and definitely by the rip old age of 30 I would feel like a mature adult.  Well, like most things in life, it just doesn’t go like you planned.

1. Marriage- At 20: I thought I needed to be married by 25. You go to college, meet someone, get married and have kids.  Being from a small farm town getting married young was just the way I thought it went. Well, I didn’t meet my prince charming at college and definitely didn’t meet prince charming back in my small hometown. At 25: I realized it absolutely does not matter what age you get married as long as you’re loving life. So I moved to the city and realized how fun and amazing life could be without being married. After a few years and tons of fun later  when I wasn’t looking I met my perfect man and life changed for the better. At 30: I’m married and at a great place in life.  I’m so thankful I never settled for anything less than the best.

2. Babies- At 20: I thought for sure I wanted 3 kids and wanted to have them by 28. Come to find out you don’t have to have babies by 25! My future husband and I were having so much fun traveling, chilling, and doing our own thing that I thanked my lucky stars every time I got my img_7514period.   At 25: I realized I was not ready to have the responsibility that a child took. Waiting to have a baby was perfect. We got to see so many places and have so many adventures that we never could have had with a baby. Getting drunk at the Hard Rock in Venice, over indulging till 3am in Rome with long-lost friends, tapas in Barcelona at all hours of the night  just couldn’t happen if we would have had a baby. At 30: Our baby is an amazing blessing, but now I’m thinking maybe only two kids. We have a different kind of fun now. A kind of fun that consist of being at our house by 9pm so Bradley can sleep and we can finally just chill.

3. A Real Job- Go figure…I’m a stat… one more person that went to college for A LOT of money, graduated, and doesn’t work in that field. At 20: I thought broadcast journalism was going to get me rich and on TV. hahaha… Blogging is as close to journalism as I’ve gotten. I did work for a bit at a new station and didn’t make enough to support myself so I decided it wasn’t my thing. At 25: I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. So I went back to school and spent a lot more money. (dumb) At 30: I blog. I am starting a home decor business. I create art.  I finally realized I should turn my passion into a career. I’m lucky enough to not have to rely on a paycheck so I can spend my time starting a business and taking care of Bradley.

4. I Blog- At 20: Never did I ever think I would be a blogger… one of those people who think what they have to say is soooo important that they randomly write it all down for people to absorb. At 25: I thought blogging was for self-important douchers, (and maybe it is).  At 30: I’m blogging. In fact, I have two different blogs. I blog a lot. One is for annoying mom stuff and the other is for interior design and creating stuff. (www.pearlaine.net)

5. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom- At 20: I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. I have always been a hard worker, wanted to make a lot of moneyimg_7602 and be successful. Now I’m not saying being a stay-at-home mom is not hard work, because it is. It’s not watching tv all day and chilling, it’s constant and not relaxing. When she naps I clean, do laundry and try to get some stories and creative stuff done. There is no relaxing.   At 30: I’m a stay-at-home mom trying to start a career from Germany. Stay-at-home moms work a lot, they just don’t get paid in money… and I like getting paid in money. When I refinish a piece of furniture or paint a really awesome picture or find the perfect throw pillows for my store I get this excitement that I can not explain. It’s this amazing sense of accomplishment and I LOVE that feeling. I NEED that feeling. At this point in life, being an expat, I am not in the position to go to a job everyday, but eventually I will. I love raising my daughter and know I do a better job than a babysitter, but I love that feeling of making money too. So maybe At 35: I will be a money-making machine and Bradley will be at school.

6. Living in GermanyAt 20: ummmm…. No. I never had any desire to live abroad because I love America. At 30: ummmm. Yes. I still limg_7118ove America, but wouldn’t change the experience of living in Germany and Sweden for anything. Living abroad really opened my eyes to so many different ways of life. Some I like and some I hate. Seeing and doing everything foreign countries have to offer will help me in every part of my life.

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3 Reasons (experts say) You Shouldn’t Tell Your Daughter She Is Pretty and The 1 Reason You Always Should!

There is this crazy new idea going around that parents shouldn’t tell their little girl she is pretty.  It’s a ridiculous one.

It’s like some bored asshole with a couple master’s and a doctorate  was just looking for some attention and money and needed to come up with something to bitch at parents about and thought, “What is something a lot of parents do or say that I can bullshit enough reasons up that they will in turn feel bad about their actions, even if they were doing it with best intentions?” The answer to this thought, “Telling your little girl she is pretty.”

1 Reason Parents Should Always Tell Their Daughter She Is Pretty

 1. They truly believe she is. Every little girl is pretty and they need to know it!(Soon enough this world will be telling her differently.)

  • The world can be a mean place, young girls and boys can be vicious (I know first hand) and the teasing usually comes in the form of making fun of appearance. Whether these kids are jealous or just assholes they will usually attack the way someone looks first. (Adults do it, too.)
  • Every little girl and boy needs to know that their individual look is pretty. Tell them they are pretty so no one can convince them otherwise.
  • These experts seem to assume because a parent is telling their daughter she is pretty that they can not also be telling her she is strong, smart, and independent.  You can tell her she is pretty in the same sentence that you tell her she is a boss! (not bossy, but a boss: a person that runs the show)
  • We will never live in a world that isn’t obsessed with looks. So maybe this idea would work in another universe, but here on earth people are visual and drawn to certain looks. (FUN FACT: While this really has nothing to do with telling your daughter she is pretty or not… it’s proven men and women are instinctually drawn to certain physical attributes. History is loaded with stories  of powerful men attracted to beautiful women. The Trojan War was fought over a beautiful woman. Henry VIII broke from the Catholic Church to be with a beautiful woman. Benedict Arnold reached out to the British and offered to be a spy and betray his colonial cause after one month of marriage to his beautiful, English loyalist wife, Peggy. Coincidence?  Throughout history beautiful women have made men do crazy things. #hailtotheV )

 

3 Reasons Experts Say You Shouldn’t Tell Your Daughter She Is Pretty

And why they may be wrong

  1. It may seem obvious, but is easily forgotten, that teaching girls that appearance is the first thing we notice about them gives them the powerful message that looks are their most important quality.

    Appearance actually is the first thing you notice about someone, before you can shake a hand and notice a firm grip or make small talk and realize how funny someone is, you notice their appearance. If I go in for a job interview dressed in my PJ’s chances are, based on my appearance, I won’t even be allowed into the interview (I’m not Mark Zuckerberg after all )  You don’t have to be the prettiest person in the room, but you do have to make an effort in the looks department.

  2. Shallow praise linked to looks can have a negative effect on a girl’s ability to deal with adversity. These off-the-cuff remarks can imply that looks, goodness, talent and even intelligence are things you either have or don’t have.

    Seriously? How can telling a girl she is pretty even start to imply that talent is something she either has or doesn’t have? How long did this asshole have to sit and think about a way to relate the two?

    I remember constantly being told as a kid to work hard for something that I wanted to achieve. If I wanted to be talented at something I had to work hard. (Fact of the matter is though, in some cases people either have a talent or not, but that is not related to telling a girl she is pretty and it doesn’t mean she can’t work hard and get better at a talent.)

    Again, I will tell my daughter she is pretty, just like I will tell her the more she studies the better her grades will be, just like I will tell her the more she practices the better her talent will be.

    Telling someone they look nice or pretty is not shallow praise and is not something to feel guilty for doing. As much as those experts want to not put an emphasis on looks, when someone feels they look good, they feel better about themselves. It is just life. A woman can be pretty (and know she is pretty) and also be strong, independent and successful. 

  3. These innocent comments to a daughter can make her think her self-esteem is linked to certain traits or attributes. She may grow up valuing being pretty more than being strong and independent

    Even if a little girl isn’t the standard definition of pretty why shouldn’t she  know that her individual look is a blessing and that it is beautiful. Let her know that beauty can be both on the outside and the inside and each individual is pretty in their own unique way.

    In today’s image obsessed world girls will be bombarded with picture perfect “pretty” women everyday, unless the home is without a TV, computer, even a newspaper a little girl won’t be able to avoid the pictures.  Avoiding telling a little girl she is pretty won’t prevent a problem, it will create a problem. If a person hears something enough times they will start to believe it. Should beauty be related to self-confidence? No, but with almost all people it is.

    So if a little girl hears other mothers and fathers telling their daughters they are pretty, smart, and strong and that little girl never hears she is pretty from her own parents will she think, “Oh well, looks don’t matter.” or will she think, “Mom and Dad never tell me that. Am I not pretty?”  I can’t be for sure, but it’s not something I want my daughter to question.  There is no need to give your daughter a complex. I mean, even men like to be told they are handsome.

I grew up with my brother and my male cousins being my best friends. I wanted to be a boy and be treated like the boys and I feel I was for the most part. (I even tried to pee standing up. It was a major fail and I got yelled at for making a mess, but I was dedicated to the cause.)  I didn’t want to be that pretty little girl and wasn’t made to think looks were the most important thing, but that didn’t matter. When  I went through an ugly duckling stage and got made fun of for my crooked teeth or lack of boobs (both changed drastically, thank goodness) it hurt.

So whether a parent decides to tell their little girl she is pretty or choose not to, eventually her self-esteem will be affected due to her looks. It is inevitable and a shame, but it’s life. There is absolutely  no problem building a little girls self-esteem by telling them they are pretty, just make sure that it’s also added that they are strong, that their abilities are limitless and that they can do absolutely anything they put their minds too.

 

 

 

 

Hating Pregnancy? It Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person or Bad Mom Part II

Part Two…
Pregnancy Mask. This bitch of a problem is still plaguing me. Before getting pregnant I had cute freckles. During pregnancy those cute freckles grew together to make large dark marks on my face that resembled a world map. They were and are very hard to cover up. The worst part about this mask, it was also on my upper lip giving me the appearance of a mustache. It was horrible and super embarrassing when anyone suggested waxing, (like I was a complete idiot and hadn’t thought of all the possible solutions available to not look like a man.)  After giving birth they naturally lightened up on their own and the mustache disappeared, but I still have to use a heavy concealer to cover up what’s left. It seems the only thing to truly  get rid of them is a $3,500 laser treatment. I wish I had that kind of money. (Maybe if I would have bought cheaper bottles and shitty formula like suggested to me I would have extra money just waiting to be spent… too late now.)
 
 Do’s and Don’ts of Pregnancy. This part was hard.  Everyone thinks they know best and a lot of people like to act like you don’t know whats best for you or your baby. The list of do’s and don’ts for pregnant women is insane. Being an expat makes it even harder. German’s have their way of doing things and American’s have theirs. I was keeping in mind the American no’s and the German no’s (German doctor says I can sauna, American doctor says absolutely not. So much confusion).  Quite a few people, one in particular, couldn’t fathom that I stopped all medication while pregnant. She thought it was pretty important to inform me I was wrong and uneducated, (you should know that this individual DOES NOT know me, she didn’t know where I was from or my medical history. You should also know that she wasn’t a doctor.)  I know in America taking certain medications is technically okay for a fetus, but my German doctor said, “No medicines. No medicine is good for a fetus.” He was very adamant about it. So, like many other women, I took my doctor’s advice. (Just to be clear I never once said taking medicine while pregnant was shameful or makes you a terrible mother, which was why I was so confused by the amount of people who jumped all over me for saying I stopped my medicines while pregnant and that one of the reason I didn’t want to breastfeed was so I could take my medicines again. By the reactions I got you’d have thought I said I was snorting cocaine while pregnant instead of saying I was trying to do what I thought was best for my baby by not taking prescription pills.) My first pregnancy was mostly in a non-american culture, so the judgement I was getting and the people telling me I was uneducated and wrong based on their culture (and what their doctors and internet sites said) was and is fucking insane to me. I learned in 7th grade history that you can’t judge a person based on your culture. You can’t judge a pregnant German woman coming out of a sauna because your culture said that it is a big no-no.
Heart Burn. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was eating antacids by the bottle. I couldn’t eat or drink anything without debilitating acid reflex. I was amazed how I could still be gaining so much weight even though I could hardly eat. Zantac was my new bestie. It helped more than the antacids, but it still didn’t fix my misery. Nothing did except pushing that little thing out.
Being out of Breath and the Sweating. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without running out of breath and sweating, I couldn’t tie my shoes, I couldn’t bend over without a head rush and when I would try to bend over I couldn’t breathe. I was sweating all the time, for this reason I barely went outside all summer. (Our electric bill that summer was ridiculous.)
Saying we are Pregnant. All the shit that I have previously mentioned (and much more) that a woman has to go through while being pregnant is why I hate when men say we are pregnant. I’m pregnant… just me. I don’t say we signed a new contract I say, “Travis signed a new contract.” Just like we aren’t pregnant, I’m pregnant. I’m going through the changes, the pain, the sickness… we aren’t.
The Mom Shaming. I hate this word/idea… “Mom Shaming” (about as much as I hate when adults use the word Bullying to describe someone telling them the truth about themselves.) Let’s just be upfront about what “Mom Shaming” really is… It’s people being nosey, judgy assholes and getting involved where they shouldn’t be.  People love getting involved in pregnant women or new moms business. If someone tries to “Mom Shame” me I will be upfront with them and let them know that they are sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong and that they need to back off. I won’t go cry about how someone tried to hurt my feelings and that they were “Mom Shaming” me, I’ll say what they really are, which is a dick. Another problem with the invention of this word (and everyone being so freaking sensitive these days) is that I can not state that I don’t like breastfeeding without being a “Mom Shamer”. No one can state anything without being a “Mom Shamer”. If someone says that they think everyone should breastfeed then all of a sudden they are “Mom Shaming” formula feeding moms. This word makes it impossible for someone to have an opinion without getting ragged on and made out to be an asshole. Almost every negative comment I’ve gotten on any of my post have had the word “Mom Shaming” in them because these days no one can have an opinoin or personal preference without being a “Mom Shamer”. It is ridiculous. No matter what, there will always be someone who isn’t going to agree with what you do while pregnant (or after you have your baby) and they will tell you how you are wrong. I guess it just comes with the territory.
You have the ability to be good mom even if you hated being pregnant.  With all the shit that comes along with being pregnant having Bradley and seeing everyday how amazing she is makes me strongly consider doing it again. It was more than worth it.

Hating Pregnancy? That’s Fine, You Can Still Be An Awesome Mom! Part I

Part One…

As I sit here blogging, watching Real Housewives and face masking (being pretty basic) I am wondering why every year as soon as I get to Germany my face goes to shit. I can not figure it out. I have Never had more than one small pimple at a time. Germany does something to me, it got me thinking about how awesome my skin and hair was during my pregnancy (even when I was in Germany). They rocked! My skin and hair were on point. That then got me thinking about how awful almost everything else about pregnancy was. I KNOW there are other women out there feeling the way I did. I’m here to tell you you are not alone in hating pregnancy, you are not a bad person and it absolutely does not mean you are going to be a bad mom.  We will start after conception, because conception was awesome.

Exhaustion. Before I had even missed my period I knew something was up. The ridiculous fatigue and absolutely drained tiredness I was experiencing was not normal. After two days of this, despite drinking 2-3 coffees and a red bull a day, I went and got the test. Well… I was right and I was preggy.  The first three months of my pregnancy were a blur. I slept 70 percent of the time. I would sleep till 10:30 or so, eat lunch when Travis got home from practice, take a nap with him, eat dinner, then go to sleep about 9:30. Needless to say I wasn’t real productive. I don’t know how women with toddlers or jobs can do it. Hats off to you because you women are amazing!

Itching. My skin itched like no other. Starting about week 2 to week 14 nothing helped the itching. I lotioned, I took oatmeal baths, I used coconut oil… Nothing worked.  I remember itching so bad one night I had to take my shirt off and asked my husband to scratch my back while I scratched my front… he quickly went from my back to my boobs (because they were huge) where I almost immediately started throwing a crying fit because I didn’t want him feeling my boobs and trying to have sex with me. I knew I was being ridiculous I just couldn’t stop myself.
Crying. That crying fit story directly relates with my next reason I didn’t love (hated) pregnancy…. the crying. I am not a crier. I don’t see a point in it. It doesn’t get things accomplished,  it doesn’t make anything better, and for me, personally, I don’t like to show an overwhelming amount of emotion. (I’m sure I’ll get shit from those emotional women, because I have before in the past, telling me, “Showing emotion is okay. It’s not embarrassing. You should grow up.”  To those women I say, “Don’t waste your time, I’m not changing.”) However, when I was pregnant you would have thought I was  Robin from Sister Wives. (Not the sharing my husband part of Robin. If some woman touches my husband shit is gonna go down.) The Robin that cries over EVERYTHING!! Happy, sad, stressed, sentimental, anxious… crying for it all. I was an emotional wreck and I hated it.

Having to Lie about Loving Pregnancy. For the first part of my pregnancy when people would ask me about how the pregnancy was going I’d always say, “It’s going good.” They would then usually follow-up with, “Don’t you just love it?” I don’t know why it took me so long to start telling the truth and stop feeling bad about not loving it. I hate lying. It makes me feel so two-faced and I hate two-faced people. (People seem to either love you or hate you when you are truthful. This blog is a perfect example, people either love it or hate it.) So when I finally started telling the truth about how I hated it I learned A LOT of women felt the same way I did and didn’t like being pregnant. It was a relief to know I wasn’t alone and wasn’t going to be a bad mom just because I hated being pregnant.

Getting Fat. The absolute worst part of pregnancy. Around 3 months my clothes stopped fitting and not in that look at my cute preggy belly kind of way, but in that freshman 15, can’t quite get my pants buttoned, jiggly fat, boobs popping out kind of way.  My thighs were starting to rub together and I was constantly pulling my pants from my crotch. Cellulite was forming on the back of my legs…It. Was. Horrifying. My husband would continuously  tell me, “Kasey, you are beautiful. You aren’t fat, you’re pregnant.” I would usually follow-up with a less than nice response about how he was f-ing lying and then I would cry..(Gosh, I hate the crying.) It would be easy to say you aren’t fat, you’re pregnant when you aren’t the one getting fat.
Doctor Telling Me I Was Gaining Too Much. Along with the gaining weight… when I got back to The States at 6.5 months pregnant I had gained 18 pounds and my doctor told me I needed to start watching my weight because I didn’t want to gain too much. It would be unhealthy. So then not only was I sad about the cellulite, but I was also stressed and sad about needing to stop eating so much. I wasn’t eating ridiculously unhealthy, I was eating more pasta then usual, but not shoving myself with ice cream and candy. (Even pregnant I didn’t care for either that much.) I never had any cravings, so I can’t imagine what the doctor would have said if I was actually eating like your typical pregnant women.  I definitely would have weighed way more than I did.
Vampire Nose. Another shitty part of being pregnant is having what I call the vampire nose. I now know how Edward Cullen feels everyday of his vamp life. Being able to smell everything sucks. I could tell if my husband left the trash can lid open in the kitchen from the living room two rooms away. Me being the emotional asshole that I was would take it personal, usually get mad, and surprise surprise… cry.
Anxiety. I have always been one to hate large crowds and feel uncomfortable in them. I always feel like someone wants to shank me and now they also want to steal my baby. I’m always stressfully aware of my surroundings. I clearly have anxiety about some stuff, but during pregnancy I had anxiety about everything. Flying all of a sudden sent me into a can’t breathe, I’m going to die panic attack. At certain points leaving the house would give me anxiety… I don’t know what I was anxious about, but I knew I was… (Probably the impending pain and misery of giving birth.)
No patience. My patience for stupidity and people being ignorant has never been high. (For example,  some twit commented on one of my post trying to make me feel bad that I bought and suggested Doctor Brown’s bottles. She then bitched at me for telling the truth about Enfamil and Similac formulas in that they aren’t as good as they claim to be. Her reasoning for commenting was that she was so disgusted with my stupidity because ((I imagine her voice is very whiny, high-pitched and life is unfair)) “Not everyone can afford those brands so why would you ever shame women that can’t afford your fancy brands?”  I personally feel like her misdirected anger and the use of the word ‘shame’ regarding my post is stupidity. Because I NOW have a little patience I chose not to tell her how stupid and wrong I knew she was, but she is a perfect example of someone I would have completely snapped on while pregnant.)  While I was pregnant I was a complete snap show. I had no patience for anything. Now I had my days of being my sweet, normal self and my husband will say that I wasn’t that bad, but I felt like I was constantly snapping and angry. When everyone is constantly giving you unwanted opinions and advice it really test your patience.  I have my close friends and family that I liked to talk to about baby stuff, but it was those random people who barely knew me and think they had some sort of right to give me their opinion and tell me a horror stories because they have been through it that really got to me fired up. (I was also confused why advice and opinions always came with a complete horror story. Never did they come with a lovely, chill story. Note to anyone that reads this DON’T TELL PREGNANT WOMEN A BAD OR SCARY STORY. They are already scared enough. It’s a dick head thing to do.)
Part II coming soon! Find out more on the not so wonderful happenings during the miracle of pregnancy
**…Even after all the misery of being pregnant there is one thing makes me seriously consider doing it again some day and that is our amazing daughter. Call me crazy. (I’ve already gotten those sarcastic, asshole comments about how they hope ‘I’ve never have to go through that terrible thing called pregnancy again’ so anyone thinking about commenting can save it.)  My husband and I made an amazing, smart, cute, funny kid and the world would be blessed for another one of ours.