Annoying Shit People Say To New Moms (Me.)

Can you even remember life with out a baby? Why yes I can actually. I love her, but I vividly remember the days of going to the store at the drop of a hat and not having to pack two bottles, a pouch of food, puffs and toys. I do remember the days of being hung over and being able to sleep on the couch all f-ing day long. I do remember being able to shower or write or draw whenever I wanted to and not have to wait till she napped. I do remember being able to use my phone without her screaming at me to give it to her. I love my baby, but yes I can remember life without a baby so that is a dumb question.

You can’t even remember the pain now, can you? It has been a year and a half and yes I can still remember the pain. I remember it quite well. It was worth it, but I still remember the agonizing contractions, the needles going into my body, the headache from the spinal fluid leak. I remember enough that I dread doing it again. I do remember… so that is another dumb question.

She looks just like her dad.. Oh, does she? That’s just what a mom that has carried a baby for 38weeks and gone through hours and hours of pain and weeks and weeks of being pregnant wants to hear. I love my husband more than anyone in the entire world, but I literally cringe every time someone says, “Now, I just see Travis” or “She looks just like her dad.” Well she is a girl, so I hope not just like her dad…who is a full man, not Bruce Jenner, and there are parts of me in her so stop being an asshole.
Do you breastfeed? It is really bizarre to me how everyone ask me this… not just women, but men ask me too. It’s just seems weird to me that people so openly talk about something sucking on my breast. What if I was one of those women that can’t breastfeed and then bawl like their baby every time someone brings up breastfeeding. Shit could get really awkward. It seems like a pretty controversial subject right now, like religion or politics and while I love to talk about both of those subjects in detail, I don’t want to talk about my boobs… unless you are telling me how good they look.
When are you going to have more kids? I was legit getting this question 2 months after having Bradley. I was thinking, ‘Fool, I just had a baby and I’m still sleep deprived and hating almost everything…including you so get out of my face.’ The answer is ‘No, I’m not thinking about having more kids at this time.’  I am at the weird point in life where I don’t want to be having kids after the age 31 and I don’t want Bradley to be more than two years older than her sibling, but I do not want to get pregnant now. The clock is ticking though. I hate that f-ing clock.
“Breastfeeding is so much healthier for your little one.” Thanks, but I never asked you and that is subjective. I’m disgusted by the amount of women that think I give a shit about their feelings on breastfeeding. The way I look at it is if I’m happy and feeling good then I can be a better mother. So really for us bottle feeding is healthier, because I am happier doing that and happy Mom means better mom. Bradley has had one cold and that was at 11 months old. She is happy, healthy, bottle fed baby.
“Just wait till your next one.” Possibly the most annoying statement I have ever heard. Bradley is an excellent baby. We could not have asked for a happier, more outgoing, good sleeping baby. Everyone that knows us as a family knows how easy Bradley is to parent, and when they find out how easy she is they usually will say at some point, “Just wait till your next one.” Why would anyone ever say that to a woman who is heavily contemplating whether or not to have another baby. I don’t need any discouragement because there is a good chance I would cut making babies off at one child. Also, every baby is different, but that absolutely does not mean my next baby is going to be the spawn of satan like everyone suggest. Maybe Travis and I are just very relaxed and happy around our child and she can sense that so she is happier.

Actual Life at 30 vs. How I Imagined My Life Would Be at 30

When I was 20 I had this whole idea on how my life would play out. Marriage, babies, real job at a news station… stuff like that. I was under the impression by 25 or 26 and definitely by the rip old age of 30 I would feel like a mature adult.  Well, like most things in life, it just doesn’t go like you planned.

1. Marriage- At 20: I thought I needed to be married by 25. You go to college, meet someone, get married and have kids.  Being from a small farm town getting married young was just the way I thought it went. Well, I didn’t meet my prince charming at college and definitely didn’t meet prince charming back in my small hometown. At 25: I realized it absolutely does not matter what age you get married as long as you’re loving life. So I moved to the city and realized how fun and amazing life could be without being married. After a few years and tons of fun later  when I wasn’t looking I met my perfect man and life changed for the better. At 30: I’m married and at a great place in life.  I’m so thankful I never settled for anything less than the best.

2. Babies- At 20: I thought for sure I wanted 3 kids and wanted to have them by 28. Come to find out you don’t have to have babies by 25! My future husband and I were having so much fun traveling, chilling, and doing our own thing that I thanked my lucky stars every time I got my img_7514period.   At 25: I realized I was not ready to have the responsibility that a child took. Waiting to have a baby was perfect. We got to see so many places and have so many adventures that we never could have had with a baby. Getting drunk at the Hard Rock in Venice, over indulging till 3am in Rome with long-lost friends, tapas in Barcelona at all hours of the night  just couldn’t happen if we would have had a baby. At 30: Our baby is an amazing blessing, but now I’m thinking maybe only two kids. We have a different kind of fun now. A kind of fun that consist of being at our house by 9pm so Bradley can sleep and we can finally just chill.

3. A Real Job- Go figure…I’m a stat… one more person that went to college for A LOT of money, graduated, and doesn’t work in that field. At 20: I thought broadcast journalism was going to get me rich and on TV. hahaha… Blogging is as close to journalism as I’ve gotten. I did work for a bit at a new station and didn’t make enough to support myself so I decided it wasn’t my thing. At 25: I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life. So I went back to school and spent a lot more money. (dumb) At 30: I blog. I am starting a home decor business. I create art.  I finally realized I should turn my passion into a career. I’m lucky enough to not have to rely on a paycheck so I can spend my time starting a business and taking care of Bradley.

4. I Blog- At 20: Never did I ever think I would be a blogger… one of those people who think what they have to say is soooo important that they randomly write it all down for people to absorb. At 25: I thought blogging was for self-important douchers, (and maybe it is).  At 30: I’m blogging. In fact, I have two different blogs. I blog a lot. One is for annoying mom stuff and the other is for interior design and creating stuff. (www.pearlaine.net)

5. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom- At 20: I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. I have always been a hard worker, wanted to make a lot of moneyimg_7602 and be successful. Now I’m not saying being a stay-at-home mom is not hard work, because it is. It’s not watching tv all day and chilling, it’s constant and not relaxing. When she naps I clean, do laundry and try to get some stories and creative stuff done. There is no relaxing.   At 30: I’m a stay-at-home mom trying to start a career from Germany. Stay-at-home moms work a lot, they just don’t get paid in money… and I like getting paid in money. When I refinish a piece of furniture or paint a really awesome picture or find the perfect throw pillows for my store I get this excitement that I can not explain. It’s this amazing sense of accomplishment and I LOVE that feeling. I NEED that feeling. At this point in life, being an expat, I am not in the position to go to a job everyday, but eventually I will. I love raising my daughter and know I do a better job than a babysitter, but I love that feeling of making money too. So maybe At 35: I will be a money-making machine and Bradley will be at school.

6. Living in GermanyAt 20: ummmm…. No. I never had any desire to live abroad because I love America. At 30: ummmm. Yes. I still limg_7118ove America, but wouldn’t change the experience of living in Germany and Sweden for anything. Living abroad really opened my eyes to so many different ways of life. Some I like and some I hate. Seeing and doing everything foreign countries have to offer will help me in every part of my life.

What The F**k Moments

It’s just past ten in the morning and already we’ve had a few of those “What The Fuck?!” moments. These moments are usually a daily occurrence and have been happening more and more the older my daughter gets. I know most of them are half my fault, but it doesn’t mean I’m not like, “What. the. fuck.?” when they happen.

Today it started at breakfast. My daughter loves to feed our dog and this morning when she was done with her toast she tossed it over the side of her high chair and I later see Jax (our dog) licking away at it. Whatever… I’ve given up on Jax not getting table scraps. About ten minutes later my husband gets Bradley (our daughter) out of her high chair while I’m doing dishes and when I turn around Bradley is chomping away at Jax’s piece of toast. Gross. She swallows it. WTF?!

About 9:30am I’m cleaning out the cabinets and empty the broken, bottom of the bag crackers into one of Bradley’s baby bowls. She wants to eat them so she sits down on the floor and is being adorable while she crunches away at them. As soon as I turn away she dumps them everywhere and is swinging her arm back and forth spreading them all over the floor.WTF?! Why?

So I have to vacuum, but apparently the vacuum is so much fun when I have it in my hand that Bradley wants it in her hand, too. WTF? Why is it only fun when I have it? So we vacuum the floor together and 25 minutes later it’s semi-clean.

Other major WTF?! moments that haven’t happened today, but have in the past…

  1. That time I put Bradley down for a nap in just her diaper because it was so hot  (huge mistake that will never be repeated) and when I got her a couple hours later she was playing in her own poop. She had it smeared everywhere and was having a jolly ol’ time playing in it. WTF?
  2. The times when she wants to walk in the street (with traffic) and I don’t let her so she throws a fit the size of Texas because walking with traffic must be so much more fun than walking on the sidewalk. WTF?!
  3. When she really, really needs a drink of water and I get her baby cup out and cut a straw to baby size. (She refuses to drink out of a sippy cup.) I hold the baby cup, but she won’t take a drink unless she is holding it. WTF? So I let her hold it and she does great… until I turn around (I have too much to do during the day to just sit and watch her drink water) within a few minutes she spills it everywhere and plays in it. WTF?!
  4. When she is eating food and wants to shove as much of it in as her little mouth can hold. Why? WTF?
  5. When she picks up her toy basket and dumps it everywhere and then walks away. WTF?

After I get over the initial shock of these moments I can realize a couple of things… If she made a mess it’s not the end of the world… When she wants to do things on her own she’s being independent (which is one of my goals with raising my daughter)…  She is curious and wants to figure out what stuff is and how it works, which is a good sign for the future.

The picture below ∨ is the perfect example of a “What the fuck?” moment. (By some miracle I had my phone out when I walked into the room and was able to snap a quick pic before I started gagging and took her to the tub.)

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Preparing Yourself For a Long Car Trip and Vacation With a Small Child

Let’s face it… after you have a kid vacations are just not the same. For the better or for the worse taking a kid on vacation changes the entire trip from the get go.

The car ride to a destination and the actual vacation with a young child can be a relaxing, refreshing experience or it can be an aggravating, stressful blur. The best way to ensure a smooth, enjoyable car ride and vacation is to be prepared, cross your fingers, and hope for a pleasant child that will chill and let you enjoy yourself.

We recently made the 5-hour drive to Switzerland for a quick vacation. It was a last-minute trip with one night to pack everything we would need for a three-day stay and a combined ten hours of driving with a 14-month-old and a dog.  I didn’t have my usual 3 to 4 days to start preparing everything so I was more stressed than usual. This isn’t our first rodeo though and with some experience I have learned some of the best ways to have the most enjoyable, relaxing trip you can have with a young child.

Tips For Taking a Car Trip and Vacation With a Small Child

 

Try to start getting ready a couple of days before the trip with lists…then use the lists.

Using lists helps to ensure nothing will be forgotten. (An added plus to having a list is getting to check stuff off the list.)  What toys or stuffed animal does your baby need? What food and snacks will she need?  Bottle cleaner… dish soap…..  Put it all on the list and it hopefully won’t be forgotten.

Organize the car so anything you need is easy to access.

Food pouches, snacks, and baby toys should be easily reached. Having them behind the driver’s seat makes it easy for the passenger to reach without having to unbuckle the seatbelt and hear that annoying f-ing beeping sound that can really drive someone crazy. The beeping on top of struggling to get a food pouch from a weird part of the car, personally, makes me snap and that is unenjoyable for everyone.

Pack a small cooler with milk of choice.

Since I’m not a fan of breastfeeding and think breastfeeding a kid over the age of one is just freaking weird my 14-month-old is drinking organic cow milk. I’ve done a lot of research on the milk I feed my daughter and ensure that the cow or cows it comes from haven’t been pumped full of hormones and antibiotics. I like to pack my own milk to be safe. I’m also not risking a change in milk upsetting her stomach causing her not to sleep and causing me to be tired, grumpy and an all around bitch.

Bring a Pack n’ Play and if there isn’t room for a Pack n’ Play bring a sheet and blankets.

Hotels often charge for the use of their Pack n’ Play, so save some money and bring one from home. I’m super uncomfortable with the thought of how many toddlers and babies have pissed or thrown up on the hotel’s Pack n’ Play and how well it got disinfected.  Can’t bring your own?  Sheets from home are easy to pack, take up a small amount of room, and are clean…usually.

Bring a small fan or sound machine.

One of the worst parts about vacationing with a toddler is having to be super quite at bedtime. Unless you get two hotel rooms you’re gonna be stuck with a sleeping baby and having to tiptoe around the room at 8pm. Any background noise, like a fan or sound machine, might help her sleep and you to be able to watch some TV or do other fun adult activities… quietly.

iPad.

I’m not one of those ‘no screen time’ moms, but even if you are for the sake of your trip bring an iPad with kid games and shows. Throw Baby Einstein (or another educational show) on, give your kid a Ritz Cracker and maybe you’ll have enough time to enjoy a long lunch and a few glasses of wine. It’s vacation… you NEED it.

Over pack

The one positive to a car trip is that you aren’t charged for how many bags you have. One bag or five bags it doesn’t make a difference. When you are going to a country like Switzerland where everything is WAY overpriced it’s nice to not have to go buy diapers that cost 2-3 times more than they do in Germany or America.

Also, weather is pretty unpredictable so pack for the cold, pack for the warm, make sure you won’t be stuck unprepared for what nature can throw at you. Pack anything you might need… bags are free!

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In the end, don’t over stress about all the shit you need to pack and what might be forgotten, most places you visit have a place to buy what you need.

It’s vacation. Have some wine and chill as much as your crazy baby will let you.

Need It… thredUP! 5 Reasons To Not Buy Toddlers New Clothes. Instead Buy Secondhand!

A few reasons why I don’t waste money buying my toddler new clothes, but instead buy secondhand…

  1. She couldn’t give two shits about how she looks or what she wears.
  2. She’s messy.
  3. She’s dirty.
  4. She’s constantly touching and rubbing gross stuff on herself.
  5. She grows fast.

thredUP! Online Consignment and Thrift Shop

I am not embarrassed to admit that I buy a lot of clothes from Goodwill, Savers, and Kohl’s clearance section.  (Why spend more money then you have to?) Always looking for a good deal led me to this amazing new online secondhand store called thredUP!  

thredUP! is The Largest Online Consignment and Thrift Shop.  Since shopping with a toddler freaking sucks, an online thrift shop I was a godsend.

I was a little weary at first, but after ordering from them once my fears were gone. All the clothes were in great shape, pretty true to size, and looked awesome! Even better you get 40% off your first order and free shipping on all orders over $79! Another great perk of the site (Because I love buying myself clothes more than buying my one-year-old clothes) there’s an adult section!

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was $110 now $28.99

 

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was $20 now $6.99

 

Not interested in buying secondhand, but have a closet full of old baby clothes? You can also sell to thredUP! Why not make a little cash for that next ridiculously expensive baby outfit?

 

FIND THRIFT SHOPS IN YOUR AREA

Goodwill stores have a great selection of baby, toddler, and young children clothes.

Savers has a great selection of clothing if you are lucky enough to have one in your area. My personal favorite.

The website thriftstore.net is an amazing way to find ALL the thrift stores and secondhand shops in your area!

3 Reasons (experts say) You Shouldn’t Tell Your Daughter She Is Pretty and The 1 Reason You Always Should!

There is this crazy new idea going around that parents shouldn’t tell their little girl she is pretty.  It’s a ridiculous one.

It’s like some bored asshole with a couple master’s and a doctorate  was just looking for some attention and money and needed to come up with something to bitch at parents about and thought, “What is something a lot of parents do or say that I can bullshit enough reasons up that they will in turn feel bad about their actions, even if they were doing it with best intentions?” The answer to this thought, “Telling your little girl she is pretty.”

1 Reason Parents Should Always Tell Their Daughter She Is Pretty

 1. They truly believe she is. Every little girl is pretty and they need to know it!(Soon enough this world will be telling her differently.)

  • The world can be a mean place, young girls and boys can be vicious (I know first hand) and the teasing usually comes in the form of making fun of appearance. Whether these kids are jealous or just assholes they will usually attack the way someone looks first. (Adults do it, too.)
  • Every little girl and boy needs to know that their individual look is pretty. Tell them they are pretty so no one can convince them otherwise.
  • These experts seem to assume because a parent is telling their daughter she is pretty that they can not also be telling her she is strong, smart, and independent.  You can tell her she is pretty in the same sentence that you tell her she is a boss! (not bossy, but a boss: a person that runs the show)
  • We will never live in a world that isn’t obsessed with looks. So maybe this idea would work in another universe, but here on earth people are visual and drawn to certain looks. (FUN FACT: While this really has nothing to do with telling your daughter she is pretty or not… it’s proven men and women are instinctually drawn to certain physical attributes. History is loaded with stories  of powerful men attracted to beautiful women. The Trojan War was fought over a beautiful woman. Henry VIII broke from the Catholic Church to be with a beautiful woman. Benedict Arnold reached out to the British and offered to be a spy and betray his colonial cause after one month of marriage to his beautiful, English loyalist wife, Peggy. Coincidence?  Throughout history beautiful women have made men do crazy things. #hailtotheV )

 

3 Reasons Experts Say You Shouldn’t Tell Your Daughter She Is Pretty

And why they may be wrong

  1. It may seem obvious, but is easily forgotten, that teaching girls that appearance is the first thing we notice about them gives them the powerful message that looks are their most important quality.

    Appearance actually is the first thing you notice about someone, before you can shake a hand and notice a firm grip or make small talk and realize how funny someone is, you notice their appearance. If I go in for a job interview dressed in my PJ’s chances are, based on my appearance, I won’t even be allowed into the interview (I’m not Mark Zuckerberg after all )  You don’t have to be the prettiest person in the room, but you do have to make an effort in the looks department.

  2. Shallow praise linked to looks can have a negative effect on a girl’s ability to deal with adversity. These off-the-cuff remarks can imply that looks, goodness, talent and even intelligence are things you either have or don’t have.

    Seriously? How can telling a girl she is pretty even start to imply that talent is something she either has or doesn’t have? How long did this asshole have to sit and think about a way to relate the two?

    I remember constantly being told as a kid to work hard for something that I wanted to achieve. If I wanted to be talented at something I had to work hard. (Fact of the matter is though, in some cases people either have a talent or not, but that is not related to telling a girl she is pretty and it doesn’t mean she can’t work hard and get better at a talent.)

    Again, I will tell my daughter she is pretty, just like I will tell her the more she studies the better her grades will be, just like I will tell her the more she practices the better her talent will be.

    Telling someone they look nice or pretty is not shallow praise and is not something to feel guilty for doing. As much as those experts want to not put an emphasis on looks, when someone feels they look good, they feel better about themselves. It is just life. A woman can be pretty (and know she is pretty) and also be strong, independent and successful. 

  3. These innocent comments to a daughter can make her think her self-esteem is linked to certain traits or attributes. She may grow up valuing being pretty more than being strong and independent

    Even if a little girl isn’t the standard definition of pretty why shouldn’t she  know that her individual look is a blessing and that it is beautiful. Let her know that beauty can be both on the outside and the inside and each individual is pretty in their own unique way.

    In today’s image obsessed world girls will be bombarded with picture perfect “pretty” women everyday, unless the home is without a TV, computer, even a newspaper a little girl won’t be able to avoid the pictures.  Avoiding telling a little girl she is pretty won’t prevent a problem, it will create a problem. If a person hears something enough times they will start to believe it. Should beauty be related to self-confidence? No, but with almost all people it is.

    So if a little girl hears other mothers and fathers telling their daughters they are pretty, smart, and strong and that little girl never hears she is pretty from her own parents will she think, “Oh well, looks don’t matter.” or will she think, “Mom and Dad never tell me that. Am I not pretty?”  I can’t be for sure, but it’s not something I want my daughter to question.  There is no need to give your daughter a complex. I mean, even men like to be told they are handsome.

I grew up with my brother and my male cousins being my best friends. I wanted to be a boy and be treated like the boys and I feel I was for the most part. (I even tried to pee standing up. It was a major fail and I got yelled at for making a mess, but I was dedicated to the cause.)  I didn’t want to be that pretty little girl and wasn’t made to think looks were the most important thing, but that didn’t matter. When  I went through an ugly duckling stage and got made fun of for my crooked teeth or lack of boobs (both changed drastically, thank goodness) it hurt.

So whether a parent decides to tell their little girl she is pretty or choose not to, eventually her self-esteem will be affected due to her looks. It is inevitable and a shame, but it’s life. There is absolutely  no problem building a little girls self-esteem by telling them they are pretty, just make sure that it’s also added that they are strong, that their abilities are limitless and that they can do absolutely anything they put their minds too.

 

 

 

 

9 Things I Don’t Feel Guilty Spending Money On

Kids are expensive little boogers. From food and formula, to clothing, to healthcare, keeping them alive and healthy puts a dent in the bank and parents are never done. My parents and in-laws are still buying us stuff and not getting paid back. Once you have a kid they have you for life and they just keep sucking you dry. (The only thing my kid didn’t and future kids won’t suck dry is my milk bags, cause I’m not into that.)  Most parents do so much for their kids…literally keep them alive everyday. (I couldn’t keep my Sim baby alive worth shit, so I know keeping an actual baby alive everyday means I am winning as a parent.)

Because I keep my baby alive and healthy everyday, spend most of my time caring for her rather than doing fun hobbies or watching my shows on TV, and the fact that I know how much she really is cramping my style there are some things that I just refuse to feel guilty for spending our hard-earned money on.

9 Things I Don’t Feel Guilty Spending Money On

  1. Wine: I love wine, I love it even more since I’ve had a kid. She should feel guilty for driving me to drink. (joking, but seriously)

  2. Beer: I don’t drink it, but my husband does and sometimes I just need to be a good wife and buy something for him.

  3. Vodka: Sometimes I’m just not feeling wine.

  4. Takeout: Some days you just need to waste money on having a burger  or pizza delivered rather than spending time making it at home.

  5. Jail broken Apple TV 2: yes, it was a bit expensive and yes, it is an older, less advanced version of the Apple TV, but movie tickets, babysitters, and renting movies on iTunes is expensive. We get all the free movies and TV shows we want. No ridiculously expensive theaters with $7 sodas, no babysitters, it pays for itself pretty quickly.

  6.  A babysitter: I hate spending money on babysitters, but sometimes we need a night away from our little fungus. We need to go out to dinner without having to rush through our meal to prevent a meltdown, we need to drink wine without our kid trying to put her hand into our glass, we just need to get our young-adult on, damn it!

  7. Music: I never feel bad about buying music. I feel like I should, but I just don’t. I listen to it constantly and it makes me happy, so I buy it.

  8. Shopping online: I’m not taking my one-year-old shopping… I’ve tried and it was an unsuccessful disaster. I don’t go overboard or do a lot of shopping, but when I do spend money on clothes or shoes I don’t feel bad. These days anything I can do to make me feel sexy I don’t feel guilty about. Will that new top make me feel sexy?  I don’t know, but I’m sure going to buy it and see. I spend half my days in sweatshirts covered in snot and slobber, so just knowing I have something cute to wear if I have the chance to get out makes me feel good.

  9. Anything from a thrift shop: I know whatever I buy I’m getting it cheaper than buying it at a regular store, so really, the way I look at it is I may be spending money but really I am saving money.

Being a Mom (or Dad) doesn’t mean you have to spend ALL of your time and money on your kid and as long as your kid is taken care of you should never feel guilty about spending a little extra on yourself. (Unless it is on crack or meth or anything along those lines… then you should feel guilty.) 

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